Pearl and Ice

In my struggle to launch my small internet company, I've sacrificed a few nights of CS and sleep. It also begins to frustrate me when I have to monitor the servers when I have already so little time to play.

I even broke a nail just now when my pliers slipped :s Thank goodness the broken nail did not cut into flesh....

I've been busy but I've been hanging on to a certain happiness that is not entirely false. It is like a driftwood in a sea of change. I'm happy and hoping for the best, that it will slowly take off, but then I still feel uncertain and everything.

That's when I remind myself to "sit still" in Him. Then I manage to calm myself again.

The past few nights it has become really apparent to me that people trying to grow their own businesses require a lot of supportive friends. Basically, no one needs to be told that their business is a bad idea, or that it is "a waste of time".

My dad just said this to me earlier today. And I tell you, it is the most disheartening he could have said.

Whilst others grew up with unconditional love and support from their parents, I grew up with criticism and a sense that nothing I ever did would make my parents proud of me.

Towards the end, mum did make several attempts to tell me she was proud of me and loved me. She was so sorry to say goodbye, it grew painful to look her in the eyes. But we all knew the pain that was in store for her had we chosen to prolong her life unnaturally.

Well dad, all I can say is, I still love you. Though there are things you say that hurt me and make me doubt myself all the time, I know you love me too. Perhaps I may never repay the great debt I owe you, but I truly long for the day when for once you beam with pride cos of me.

I'm not asking for presents or attention. I guess it's a little too late for all that now.

Perhaps a kind word of encouragement now and then? Instead of comments that leave my heart bleeding.

I may look like I'm fine, but deep inside I'm not.

There, now that that is out of my system, I shall go upload more photos. I just created another new piece like 10mins ago...

It's called rather whimsically: Pearl and Ice.


- 3 July 2006 3:12am -